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Living with Luke 3

April 25, 2013


I was sitting on the sofa the other day, thinking about what to put in what musicians call, ‘the difficult third album’.  It’s actually the second album they say that about but I thought i would paraphrase.  As was usually the case when I sit on the sofa, I was wearing a scarf.  Unusual?  Definitely, until you know that the ‘scarf’ was actually Tiddles the Silverback who had draped himself across my shoulders, and weighing in at 126 lbs it was one of the heaviest scarves i’ve ever worn.  This is what passes for contact between Tiddles and I, and it answers a lot of questions as to why I go to the gym so much.  Tiddles already can thwack like a man, but he’s not violent.  I’ve always wrestled and rough and tumbled with both boys, picking them up, slamming them (gently) down, or throwing them onto a pile of cushions, it was great fun.  Sadly of course, they don’t stay 2 or 4, etc, etc and rough and tumble tends to fall by the wayside as bodies get bigger and heavier and rooms stay the same size.  With Tiddles however, because he has no concept of strength, as he has gotten bigger so have his slaps.  Luckily its only me he belts, and only infrequently for ‘fun’, its never in anger…luckily.  And it’s usually when watching something like ‘Pingu’ on Youtube…go figure.

Funny story break.  How we found out that Tiddles could read subtitles, and read new words very well.

Again, he was watching Pingu on Youtube.  He’d gone in, typed in the search bar for what he wanted – nothing wrong with his spelling or his typing – and he sat watching something, and doing the autistic thing of rewinding and replaying the same section over and over.  This was what we heard.

‘Hahahaha, you bitch.  Get lost you whore.  Hahahahaha, bitch!’

I immediately checked to make sure it was actually YouTube he was watching, and sure enough, it was.  What some wag had done was add his OWN subtitles to a Pingu episode, and decided it would be hilarious to put what he THOUGHT they should say. Needless to say we were furious that somebody would do this to a kids programme and then put it up for anybody to access.  But at the same time, we were impressed at Tiddles’ reading skills.  Funnily enough, he’s never done it again.  And he’s never used those words either…

I have these times, working in a school, when I look at some of these children, and I think, ‘you lucky bastards’.

You will fall in love, maybe get married, have a house, a life, go out, get drunk, learn to drive, have adventures, argue about stuff, get passionate about a subject, a cause, dedicate your life to something, or someone, and generally have the freedom to have a life.  You really don’t know how lucky you are.

And then I look at Tiddles, and I think, ‘You won’t have any of that.’

You won’t learn to drive, or fall in love, or have adventures of your own.  You won’t learn that a night of drinking can lead to devestating hangovers.  You won’t have a job, money of your own, or the freedom to choose what you want to do with your life.  You won’t even have the chance to vote if you wanted to.  And a wave of sadness washes over me as suddenly as the tide.

Tiddles shifts on my shoulders, and I suddenly realise that he won’t ever have a care in the world. He’ll live just across the water in Narnia, his own little wonderland, occasionally coming to my land to see me. He’ll stay with us for the rest of our lives and I’ll have to keep going to the gym and live til i’m 150 so I can care for him always.  That’s what dads do isn’t it?

And besides, where else would I get such a beautiful, heavy scarf?


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One Comment
  1. Julie Bruno permalink

    You sum up those feelings of sadness that I often experience especially when Kitty talks about how she’ll get married & buy the house next door so that she’s not really leaving me. : (

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