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Living with Luke 12

June 7, 2013


Tiddles paid me a visit the other night, drifting over from Narnia to come and see me, just for a short while.  TCMH was teaching and The Eldest Child was out at his drama class so I was on my own, with Tiddles prowling about the house like the silverback gorilla he is.  I’d like to think that he must’ve sensed that I was not feeling that great in myself – the Cloud of Despair has been hovering over me just recently – and he came downstairs whilst I was in the kitchen, and stood on my toes.  Now that doesn’t sound like affection, but for Tiddles, when it comes to me, it’s almost like a hug these days.  It’s his way of saying ‘There you go.  Hope this makes you feel better.’  And in a way it does, although my toes were sore.

But it didn’t end there.

He then wanted me to pick him up, ‘Officer and a Gentleman’ style.  So I did.  Ever tried to pick up a baby gorilla that doesn’t understand the term “dead weight”?  But pick him up I did and he put his arms around my neck and laid his head on my shoulder and I stood there for a few seconds, enjoying the moment, before he wanted to get down.

Thinking the moment had passed, I put him down and turned back to preparing the dinner.  But he took my hand and led me into the living room where he then stood on my toes again.

‘There you go.  Feeling better yet?’

So I grabbed him and pushed him onto the sofa where I tickled him and made him laugh loudly.  His way of stopping me these days is to shout “Calm down!” which always makes me laugh.  So there we were, laughing and tickling and generally having a lovely time.  We bundled, we giggled, we cuddled and we laughed.

It was a really magical 5 minutes, and in that time he made me forget everything that was dragging me down and threatening to pull me under.

But as always, there is never enough time.  As in dreams, real life has a way of intruding on these special moments. It passed far too quickly and he returned back to his world and left me wanting more time with him and I missed him terribly when he went, as I always do. The rest of the evening though, passed quite calmly for us. He did everything that was asked of him without any shouting or screaming at me, and he slept the sleep of the innocent that he is.

The following day however, order was restored. I returned from work and he went back to ignoring me again, walking away from me and refusing to look at me. When I said ‘hello’, he replied ‘byebye’…

Everything was back to normal.

But these moments are always important to me. The glimpses that I get of Narnia Tiddles are the ones that I look forward to.

But we never know how much time we will ever get to spend with our loved ones, be they children, parents or friends. So we try to make every moment count and every moment that Tiddles visits me and makes me feel like his dad are the moments I live for, be it for 5 minutes or even just a few seconds when he looks at me and says something simple.

We never know how long we are going to get.

Then again, who does…?


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  1. Lisa Tucker permalink

    Brilliant as ever, I just got a hug from Nicholas and he told me he loved me. That means so much to us parents with sen children. Why don’t you write a book, you obviously have a talent for writing. xx

    • Thank you Lisa, that’s wonderful! I’m glad you like them. As for a book, it would be a book of the blogs if I ever did one. We’ll see. Thanks again.

  2. So many similarities with myself. I was passed this link a few weeks back but forgot, only returning after being reminded tonight. You see, my life has been turned upside down (again) due to increased issues surrounding my autistic son. He’s 20 and the trained proffesional at his college (2 to 1 support) cannot cope with his meltdowns. So they send him home to me, because obviously, I can cope.

    It’s great to find another voice. I’ve written for a few years. I used to post each week during my Myspace days and ironically, mine was ‘Living with David.’ Still is on my current site, but I rarely post about him now.

    I see all the similarities. David likes his Thomas trains, his music and also Tellytubbies (the animals two by two is a favourite). And like your Narnia, I have David in Neverland in one of my poems.

    The thing I felt for years was that I was on my own, and we’re not. Shortly after him going to college, David was attacked by another lad he shared with, also autistic, who’d had a meltdown. Staff were apologetic but in a perverse way, I thought, ‘Thank fuck it’s not just us, then.’

    There is a book I read a few years back. ‘A Real Boy,’ by Christopher and Nicola Stevens. Very good and very close to home.


    • Thanks Nick. As you say it is good to find that we, as fathers, are not alone in this. We’re the ones who are supposed to stay strong, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot feel for our sons. Thanks for reading and commenting.


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