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Living with Luke 27

October 22, 2013

So…

 
What am I afraid of? Well there are a few things as it turns out. Zombie films for example scare the crap out of me, as does the thought of being stuck in quicksand. And sharks! Sharks both fascinate me and terrify me, along with being in deep sea water. The not knowing what’s underneath me and not being able to see the bottom makes my heart rate quicken even now. In fact if I ever fell into shark infested quicksand whilst being chased by zombies then I would be a quivering wreck. As well as dead probably. 
 
Now you can laugh at these fears but ask yourselves what are you scared/afraid of? What terrifies you, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a rational or irrational fear. We all have fears and there isn’t anybody that can deny that we don’t. From spiders to heights to clowns to the dark. There is, incredibly, a fear of being stared at by a duck…it’s called Anatidaephobia in case you’re interested…
 
But my biggest fear, the one thing that terrifies me more than anything else, is getting old. Not so much me, although that is linked, but it’s more Tiddles. 
 
Today is his birthday and he is now 15 years old. He has hair everywhere and his voice is dropping. He has spots, bless him, a downy little moustache on his upper lip and a clubbing right hand that would make Rocky Balboa think twice about getting up from. 
 
But he is still my little boy. 
 
His height and weight have increased but he his, was and always will be my little boy, no matter how old or how big he ends up getting. My fears for him stem from my own insecurities about age, however. I worked out that when he is my age now, I will be 75. Will I still be strong enough to handle him then? Fast enough? Quick enough? 
 
As it stands now, I can do all of the above, but autistic children seem to have a strength that belies their appearance and he will get stronger, without ever realising it or knowing his own strength. And that is what scares me about him getting older. I need to make sure that I keep pace with him or rather I need to be ahead of him. I have to make sure that I stay fit, healthy and strong and have my mental faculties intact. 
 
Because nothing would hurt me more, no slap or whack from Tiddles would cause me more pain, than to have somebody else caring for my silverback gorilla. So whilst getting older scares me about him, it’s also the thing that’s drives me onward. 
 
So…
 
Happy birthday to my beautiful little son Luke Hannam. Here’s to many, many, many more…
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6 Comments
  1. renee stalley permalink

    Well a big happy birthday luke!!! I dont know what to say to the rest steve cause ive seen the reality of it where I work though not all bad wouldnt want it for luke xxx

  2. Happy Birthday Luke. I often worry about who will look after my Luke when I’m not around anymore.

  3. Aaah my Son, live in the moment if we can eh? Your Grandad was not one of life’s ‘go getters’ and never thought of mortality – he was too busy just being. Yet he is missed every day. None of us know what is our future – only now is real. Luke teaches us all about love and caring for each other.

  4. Andie Frogley permalink

    Happy Birthday Luke!

  5. Lisa Tucker permalink

    Happy Birthday Luke
    I know exactly where your coming from, that’s my biggest fear for Nicholas. xx

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