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Living with Luke 34

January 4, 2014

So…

This is the story of a man who used to have loads of mates.  They would hang out together and generally have the best fun.

Then one day, the mans youngest son was diagnosed with Autism and the man was devastated and heartbroken.  But he still had his mates.

However, as the boy grew up, the man, who it has to be said that despite appearances was very shy, withdrew more and more from public and social engagements.  He withdrew so much, that he realised too late that he had lost his mates, and they were now just his friends.

The man had taken the decision to try and be a dad to his remote son and as a consequence now had nobody to confide in, apart from his current wife.  But she was also trying to be the best mum and so the man tried not to burden her with his fears or his heartbreak.  Instead he bottled it up over the years and did his best to provide for his family whilst trying repeatedly to connect with his lost little boy.  

The point of this is to stress that this whole situation was in no way the fault of anybody’s but the mans.  His shyness may have played a big role in his choice, in that he always found it difficult to ask for help, or to even ask if people wished to spend time with him.  But whatever the reasons, the choice was his.

As Tiddles has gotten older and bigger, I have felt that it has become more of a necessity for me to be here. TCMH may disagree with me on this, but I feel it is my role to be here for him and not to leave the care of him totally to her.  

Don’t get me wrong, I have loads of friends.  I have people that I can spend time talking to, usually have a laugh with and generally talk absolute rubbish with.  But my ‘mates’…? They’ve long since given up on me and for that I apologise.  I did nothing to prolong our ‘mateyness’ because I felt I needed to be looking after Tiddles more as he got older.

Tiddles doesn’t need mates, or even friends.  He would have no concept of what the hell I was talking about with this blog.  Try and explain friendship to him and I would probably get a whack, a quote from ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’, and then he would be gone again.

 

If anything, this is a call out to The Eldest Child.  I know full well that he feels that he has to take care of Tiddles as well, but as I stressed to him over Christmas, he is not responsible for Tiddles’ care.  He MUST go out and enjoy his own life, follow his OWN path, be his OWN man, but most importantly of all, leave the care of his brother to us, to me.  He is his fathers son, with all the shyness and lack of belief in himself that I have managed to pass onto him.  But he must, must make sure that he keeps his mates close.

Before it’s too late…

But to all my mates, I am truly sorry I lost you.  I guess as a dad to Tiddles, I can’t have both.

But always know that I love you all.

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