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Living with Luke 57

February 28, 2015

I read an interesting article online the other day about the masks some of us wear. Different masks for different environments. It went on to say that we should be looking to drop the masks and learn to live as ourselves, authentically. It’s a weird thing, or it could be a funny thing. Or even a weird, funny thing, but whatever thing it is, the people who probably live the most authentic lives are autistic people. Tiddles doesn’t have a mask, doesn’t need one. He’s painfully authentic sometimes and shows his genuine feelings on every situation that he encounters. There isn’t any way that he could hide his emotions about what he may be thinking or what he could be feeling, and nor would he want to. Well, he wouldn’t know how to for starters. Such is his life here that possibly, he feels that he can be the most genuine he can be in his own world. Nothing to prove, no ego to stoke, he and many others like him are a prime example of ‘authentic’ living. 

Does that mean though that they see us for who we truly are? 

Is that the reason for his apparent dislike of me? And sometimes not just me, either. But mostly it is and there  are times when he can’t even look at me. Sometimes he’ll put his hand up in front of his face as a sort of barrier, the way I used to when I watched Dr Who in the seventies. I could still hear what was going on, but I didn’t want to see the scary bits, so I’d put my hand up so my eyeline to the tv was blocked. And that’s what Tiddles does. He blocks out the ‘scary’ bit. 

Which is me. 

And with his earphones in he has the added advantage of blocking out the majority of my voice too. So in effect, I’ve just compared myself to a Dalek/Silurian/Ice Warrior/Cyberman/Giant Rat/Wyrryn/Brain of Morbius/Any other DW monster…Why couldn’t it have been The Master? 

It was my birthday recently, and I have mentioned this elsewhere, but I received my card from my family in the morning – one card, three messages.

The first, from TCMH began,
‘Happy birthday, gorgeous…’

The second, from The Eldest Child began,
‘To Daddy, the best dad in the world…’

The third, from Tiddles, began,
‘To Steve…’

You know how it is when you find something funny initially and then the reality sets in? That was it…
‘Hahahah…oh…bugger…’

So, the other day was also World Autism Awareness Day, or as we know it in our house, Thursday. I reflected on this as I was giving Luke his morning supplements. When I first started writing about Tiddles and I, I spoke about how he doesn’t say good morning, instead telling me to go away. That was 2 years ago now, and has anything changed? Well, no. Not really. It’s now become accepted that this is how he greets me, if telling me to go away can be classed as a greeting. 

But many things have changed in 2 years. It’s inevitable I suppose. As I write this today, I’m preparing to play my last game of competitive football after 40 years of playing and over 1000 games. I’ll no longer be ‘risking injury diving at the studded boots of Sunday morning footballers on bone dry pitches’. To me it’s a big thing. Football has always been a huge part of my life, but I’m going to walk away after today once I’ve burnt my gloves and been carried shoulder high by the opposing team, and that’ll be it. A big thing that has pretty much been an obsession of sorts – “sorry, can’t make that, I’m playing football…” – will be done with for good. There is of course, going back to Dr. Who, a small part of me that is going to be like David Tennant before he regenerated into Matt Smith – “I don’t want to go!” – but go he did and go I will too. 

So what’s been the point of this blog today? 

All things will pass? Nothing lasts forever? 

How about, if you find something you love, then you’ll deal with the heartache, heartbreak, bruises as well as the incredible but all too brief highs…

Tiddles…

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