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Living with Luke 61

August 11, 2015

A few weeks back, we performed our play, ‘Living with Luke’ to our biggest audience to date. Over 200 people came along and saw us. After the show, I had many people come up to me and say just how much they enjoyed the show – if enjoyed is the right word. The reaction we received was astounding, as it always is whenever I and the rest of the cast get such incredible feedback.  Gradually, the crowd dispersed and we reflected on another successful evening of this brilliant play.  Eventually, still on a high, I said my goodbyes and drove the hour home.  Arriving home, I got in and went upstairs, going to see Tiddles, as I knew he would still be awake and his being the first bedroom I would go into.

“Hello!” I said quietly to the prone figure lying watching his iPod video’s.  “How are you?” No answer, which is nothing unusual, so I leant in for a goodnight kiss.

I didn’t get one, as Tiddles pushed me away…

This is me, Living with Luke.  The play was forgotten, as I stood up, realising that life was imitating art, imitating life.

“Goodnight Luke, love you.  Sleep well, sweet dreams, see you in the morning.” And I turned away to go into The Eldest Child’s room, where we had a chat about the show.

But I was sad and I think it showed.

I Live with Luke.  With all that it brings.

On my list of things to do today, I was going to write a blog about our holiday the other week.  I was until Tiddles head-butted me in a fit of anger.  It wasn’t hard, but hard enough to make my nose crack and my eyes water slightly.  But it served as a reminder that sometimes, Tiddles can be so frustrated and angry at me for whatever reason, that he will do something like that in an effort to keep me at arms length, figuratively and literally.

So I’m sad about that.  But I Live with Luke.

“Where’s mummy now?” he asked, not for the first time today.  To be honest I didn’t answer him, because whatever I said wouldn’t have made any difference.

“Sorry Daddy…” he said.  I didn’t reply, because in this instance, I knew that this was an automatic response because he wanted the TV remote back that I had taken from him.  I carried on doing what I was doing.  5 minutes later…

“Sorry Daddy…”  This time I went and sat down beside him, hoping that this might actually be genuine.  Another 5 minutes passed.

“Sorry Daddy…” and I looked round to him, to find him still looking at his iPad and playing on his laptop.  There was no genuine remorse, it was purely automatic.  The TV remains off now and the remote has been forgotten, for the moment in any case, as has the head-butt…by Tiddles at least.  He still has the iPad and the laptop.  I can hear him as I type this, talking away to himself.  I’ve been forgotten about too.

Out of sight, out of mind.

It’s sad because we had had a couple of really nice days recently, and, whilst I was under no illusions that things have miraculously changed for the better overnight, I was thinking that there may just be a glimmer at the end of the tunnel.  But then I’ve had a couple of slaps and punches, and then the head-butt – which he hasn’t done before – and I understand that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

My name is Steve Hannam, and I Live with Luke.

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